Survivor Moms
Women’s Stories of Birthing, Mothering
and Healing after Sexual Abuse

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Sexual abuse and the reactions to it affect mothers' whole lives—from thinking about having children all the way to being grandmothers. These effects are far-reaching and deeply felt.

Survivor Moms shares narrative excerpts from interviews with women who have survived abuse, along with the clinical perspectives of midwives and contributions from other healthcare professionals.

Whether you are a survivor, a midwife, a mental health provider, or you know a survivor who is on this path, you will learn from this book about mothering and the ongoing journey of healing and surviving.

Why You Need This Book

Read this book if you are a—

• Midwife, Doula or Counselor—learn how you can help woman whose past experience of sexual abuse makes pregnancy and childbirth difficult.
• Survivor—discover that you are not alone and learn how other women have coped with similar experiences.
• Friend or Relative—begin to understand what it means to have been abused and how you can help.
• Instructor—share the knowledge of survivors and clinicians with students in your women's health or women's studies courses.

Short Narratives from the Book

The authors of the narratives in Survivor Moms offer rich, detailed and heartrending accounts of the many facets of life as a survivor, from the recounting of the trauma itself, to the journey through childbearing, to mothering, healing, and beyond. They also have a lot to say about the kind of care that would have been helpful to receive from maternity care providers.

…about life before motherhood

From infancy to my early teenage years I was sexually abused by a man. Namely, my father. I can remember being terrified by any male, very early on, because I knew what they were capable of doing to me. When my best friend's brother came to pick her up from our house I used to shriek and run in terror. I could never concentrate enough in school in a class with a male teacher because I never knew what intentions they had or what they were thinking. I have a hard time giving hugs to my own grandfather, father-in-law or my brother, even though they are good, gentle men in their own rights. Every time I try, my body betrays me. I stiffen, my stomach tightens up and I panic….

I tried to tell one of my teachers what was going on at home and she told me to quit making up stories….

—from Kay's story

…about pregnancy

As my body grew and changed, prodded by relentless hormonal surges, I felt like I was being attacked over and over again. Dormant feelings and memories from my abuse not only surfaced, but grabbed me around the neck and threatened to suffocate me….

—from Elaine's story

…about labor and birth

When my water broke and the contractions began the pain in my womb felt to me like the pain of forced penetration. It felt like rape. I panicked. I was conscious enough to tell the midwife I was having rape flashbacks, but she was young and inexperienced and could not really offer any help….

—from Katherine's story

…about the postpartum period and breastfeeding

I felt bursting with pride at this incredible thing I'd done, and yet all I could feel when I looked at that perfect little one was grief, grief, grief. I could not understand it. The emotions were so intense that I could not sort them out or make them calm down. I thought the tears would simply never leave me. I thought I'd float away, and he would miss his mama, but he would not be able to find me because it would all have gone blank as soon as I finally wore out my ability to tolerate the intensity of the grieving pain.

—from Claire's story

…about healing and surviving

Healing comes through relationships, not new intellectual knowledge alone.

—from Deborah's story

Pregnancy is a process of opening up on so many levels. Although recovery from sexual abuse is a life-long process, relationships with midwives and other health care practitioners clearly play an important part in the lives of survivor moms. Midwives who are aware of this and make an effort to inform themselves about the needs of their survivor clients and about the trauma-informed mental health services in their communities can make a real difference. We hope that this book will be a resource to facilitate discussions and care-planning between midwives and clients. We also invite you to be touched and transformed by the personal and profound accounts of the lives of survivor moms.